CV of Failures

This document was inspired by Johannes Haushofer’s own CV of Failures, who was in turn inspired by Melanie I. Stefan’s article in Nature. I found out about them through the book If You Should Fail by Joe Moran.

A CV of Failures is meant to inspire, showing that even the most successful people have failed just like us. Haushofer’s failures are seen from the vantage point of success. In my case, looking down, I am greeted by the carpeted floor of my parents' home. I am still the failure I always was.

Curriculum Vitae literally translates to “course of one’s life” in Latin. As pointed out in Moran’s book, it’s strange how the typical CV only consists of quantifiable, job-relevant achievements, as if to say that these are the only things that matter in life.

This CV of Failures is an ode to my flaws, unproductive time and the lives I never got to live.

Unfinished projects (from recent memory)

Making an EGL-inspired blouse
回乡game
又一个？！illustration series
Getting my driving license
Renpy game

Cold emails sent with no responses

35

Jobs I did not get

2023 Waste Auditor
2022 Student Graphic Design Intern
2022 Paid Marketing, Design & Creative Technology Intern
2021 Café Superstar

How long I’ve failed to get an art job since graduating with a BFA

4 years (as of 2024)

Art competitions I lost

2023 Resene Walpaper Design Competition
2023 Overload Art Competition
2022 BMW Mini Toy Drop Car Wrap Design Competition
2018 Overload Art Competition

Atrophied skills and forgotten knowledge

Playing the Piano
Music Theory
Metalworking
Woodworking
Book Binding
Screen Printing, DTG, HTV
Sewing
Traditional Painting
Traditional Drawing
Gardening
Competitive Pokemon
Astrophysics
Using Twine
using Renpy
Using Adobe Suite
Using Excel
Road Code
Riding Bicycle
Playing Badminton
Taekwondo
Wushu
Swimming
Folding Origami

Interests I never made time for

Learning Blender
Embroidery
Doing the splits
Sculpting with air-dry clay
Making games with GameMaker
Repairing my Gameboy
Making a pillow with old clothes

Undesirable traits

Incapable of forming a meaningful connection with others
Homebody
Can’t stand entertaining someone for more that 15 minutes
Envious of other artists
Does poorly in competitive environments
Hates texting
Gives up easily when not immediately good at something
Can’t draw straight from imagination
Poor grasp on anatomy basics
Very reliant on references for drawing
Can’t express opinions coherently in conversation
Cries easily when arguing
Occasional interrupter
May lie about background when asked (because constantly answering the same thing is boring)

Bad Habits

Scrolling endlessly on Youtube
Can’t focus on drawing unless a Youtube video is playing
Biting fingernails
Picking nose (I’m particularly disgusted by this one)
Not eating when hungry during the afternoon (because I’m usually doing something)

Mental Breakdowns

December 2023 – Tension within the family reached a boiling point. My dad refused to attend my sister’s graduation or celebrate her birthday. Unlike before, the problem wasn’t internal. I felt like killing myself for the first time. I used helplines, the only one that didn’t put me on hold indefinitely was Lifeline. The sobbing came back, this time with an extra order of insomnia. Therapy was useful as an outlet to vent without guilt, but beyond that, the advice I was given was pretty useless. My parents are emotionally immature. I have no one to turn to. I finally realized that I’m alone and will always stay this way. Relying on others only invites disappointment and further emotional scarring. Books saved me.

April 2019 – Climate anxiety and not doing very well in uni. My parent also sold my childhood home. When we returned to Malaysia and had to stay at my aunt’s place, I had a complete meltdown. My parents were completely unequipped to deal with intense emotions, they only made me feel worse. I kept spontaneously sobbing for three months. The counseling session that came way too late (the uni counselor was on holiday) was completely useless. After the three months, it just resolved itself.-

CV of Failures│